Saturday, April 15, 2017

I Dreamed of An Endless Highway


I dreamed of an endless highway. Daddy was driving. There was a long bayou on the right of our car, like a ditch. It ran for miles.

The day was bleak and dreary; the trees were barren. Momma was humming a song about mockingbirds.

I have to travel that highway again soon. It takes me somewhere I’ve never been. Somewhere I’ve been destined to go since birth.

That road is lonely but it feels familiar and I’m not afraid of the adventure. We’re old friends.

I weep as I begin this journey. The tears are for all the wasted years and yet I know they weren’t wasted at all. They brought me here…here to this place. The end of one journey; the beginning of another. The cycle of life continues.

The tears are also for the faces I leave behind me. God! I loved them so! They were my whole world. I woke up each day just for them. But now they’re gone…a distant memory.

The tears are for all the new places and people I’ll come to know and love. Places and people who will burrow into my heart like red hot lines of coal.

I’ll move on from them too one foggy morning, always searching for something. Knowing in my heart that the journey is the only thing that truly matters.

Sojourners are like that. They come into this world knowing that it’s not their real home. They’re like explorers who go out to seek what they can find. But at the end of the day, their heart belongs somewhere else…a heavenly realm that exists just beyond this one.

I will go home one day. Momma and daddy will meet me at the gates. Jesus will be there too, along with the faces of all those people I met along the way. My journey was bittersweet.

Life on this planet has a great potential for excellence, beauty, fun, joy…but it often disappoints us. Most of the time, the joy escapes us, overridden by worries about menial stuff, like paying the bills.
We never learn the art of enjoying a moment until the moments of our life are numbered and few. Oh, the irony of life! It can be so bitter and yet so sweet.

Moments can be so warm and familiar, while others can leave you cold and jaded.

People can leave you that way too. They leave their mark, whether meaning to or not. How I long for those people and those memories to be better than they truly are. I wished it so hard for so many years, but that dream never came true … only the nightmares.

So here I am, left with so many memories that trouble my sleep. So many faces I won’t see again in this life. So many people … good and bad. People you loved. People who let you down. Moments you pray you never forget mixed in with moments you can’t bear to remember.

Life has left me disappointed and sad. I’m sorry for the people like me. I wish God would suddenly shine a beam of light on our misery and turn it into joy. But that never happens. And yet we go on.

We put one foot in front of the other every day regardless of the pain involved. That will to survive … to keep moving forward … that will is so strong in us humans.

So … we see it through to the end. It’s like a bad movie we wasted a lot of time and money on and now, we can’t get up and leave the movie theater. We have to stay and get our money’s worth … even though staying is such misery.

With each new day and each new moment, there’s a sliver of hope that things might change and life might suddenly become wonderful. Perhaps that tiny sliver of hope is the fuel that pushes us forward through another weary day.

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