Wednesday, July 17, 2019

How I Got Where I Am Today

How did I get here? If you've ever been lost, you know the feeling.

For most of my life, people didn’t understand me. When I married and had a daughter, I was sure I’d have at least have 2 people who would love me unconditionally. But sometimes life doesn’t work out like you want it to.

My daughter became rebellious at age 15. She ran away from home and told all her friends that my husband and I were abusing her so they wouldn’t tell where she was and so she could get their sympathy. She became addicted to getting sympathy from people. My mother was like this too. She would tell you whatever you needed to hear so you’d feel sorry for her.

Over the years my daughter has told many lies about me to people that have been very embarrassing. She once told the pastor at our church that we were drug users and since we were teaching a class of middle school kids, we lost that position, not to mention everyone’s respect. Rumors get around fast in a small church. She did this because she was angry at me and my husband because we would not help her get a car.

Throughout her life, my daughter has blamed everything on me. Even when her husband was accused of raping our granddaughter, she found a way to blame ME for the whole incident. I was at home baking cookies for my other grandchildren. I was nowhere near the alleged event and went into shock the moment I heard about it because me and my granddaughter were so close. I couldn’t believe anyone would hurt such a beautiful little girl.

My daughter and her husband packed all their things and ran away in the middle of the night which is what guilty people do. She took my grandchildren (except for the girl) away to another state and she gradually poisoned their minds toward me. After 20 years of brainwashing, my grandkids don’t know me at all. They don’t come to see me. They know nothing about me now. Not one of them has ever read anything I’ve written and I’ve been a writer since I was a little girl.

Because of the alleged rape and police investigation, I suffered for some years with an emotional breakdown. My husband and I got divorced. He tried to be a good father to my daughter but she was always ungrateful, angry and self-absorbed. Since he wasn’t her biological father, he decided to just walk away from the whole situation. I wish I could do that too. I’ve dreamed of ways I could do that for many years.

For most of my life I was an excellent wife, homemaker, mother and grandmother. For the last 20 years, I’ve been a broken, lonely sad person and I have my daughter to thank for all this.

I felt that the best way to handle her rebellion and lies was to just keep loving her and praying for her. But I was wrong. I should have stood up to her and called her out for every single lie! Now it’s too late. You can’t go back in time and change things and make things right.

The only person who has steadfastly stood by me during all these trials was Jesus. I know religion and Christians are very shady these days. But I can’t speak for every Christian. I can just tell you that I would have sliced my wrists and died 20 years ago when my daughter took my grandkids away without even allowing us to say good-bye.

But God stepped in and began repairing all the damage. He helped me rebuild my life. It’s a very lonely life but I do have a nice place to live, nice furniture and things. I always have the money to pay the bills on time. I wear upscale clothing, jewelry and shoes. God has provided very well for me. But I’d trade it all in a heartbeat to have my family love me again like they once did.

You think you’re indispensable and that your family couldn’t go on without you but it isn’t true. I was very easy to leave behind. For the remainder of my life, I must be content with the fact that I do have a home and family in heaven. I will pass from this earth one day soon and be welcomed into heaven by my parents and siblings. I’ll see my aunts, old friends—there will be lots of people there who love me and there will be no lies, deceit or evil there.

I rest in these eternal rewards that lay in store for me. I will find no peace or comfort here on this earth, but I do look forward to my heavenly future.

Here's my short story called: How I Got Where I am Today - It's about 2 boys who grow up together but their lives take a very different direction. It's fiction.